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maybe you should stop going to psychiatrists ... if it has taken them that long to solve yer problems then they have no answers and to be honest i never believed in them ... like what the fuck do they know? ... they are mental hookers who you pay for their time as they pretend to actually give a fuck .., and write those scripts for ya that have nore or less destroyed yer life ... i still fail to see how they are helping ... what do you talk about to a stranger who is paid to listen to yer problems? i think they createmore problems than have solutions ... my family went to therapy when i was kid ... it was mostly for my parents and older brother who was fat and kept having broken legs and coughs that no doctor could cure so he would not have to go to school where kids would make fun of him as one of the fattest kids in his grade - he was not obese but he was heavy ... any way i was kinda minding my own business maybe humming rock songs to myself because i thought that was cool and the doctor stops the session and said Robert was not the problem ... that it was me ... and i looked at him like what the fuck? but it set a tone for the rest of my life in a way ... it is not any bodies fault ... it is always mine isn't it ... what we did not talk about was how my father already abused me early on and mentally verbally and physically and later on once brutally beat me up realy bad when i was naked and vulnerable coming out of a shower in front of the whole family because he thought i stole his weed and called me a faggot because i told them i might be gay ... if that don't fuck you up i don't kniw what will i know i was supposed to be grossed out by dicks and homosexual acts but i was curious and told my family during out group therapy Fridays ... i checked it out and found out i like girls mostly ... my track records speak for itself and most of the girls wanted me because of feminine side .. and I in fact admired them so much i wanted be like them but the truth is he probably made that shit up about his weed or one of my brothers took it and once again blamed me because he was disgusted his son might be gay ... so he punched me hard n the face and all over my body? .. naked? .... can you imagine this today? the man could go to jail for that shit ...over his weed no less? .... if that was not enough my older brother who did things like start rubbing his hands together and say "examine" and he would wanna look at my dick or then strip me naked and throw me out side the apartment and lock the door ... i still have issues because of this ... or bend my arm behind my back in what they call a chicken wing and scream in my face "do ya give up " and i would say yes to end the pain only to have him push it even harder ... see the cycle of abuse and the trickle down effect can be devastating ... they made fun of him so i was the recipient of his pain ... if which there was more than enough until i too became a fat kid .... i wanted food because it was the only comfort i had .., there are millions of people out there like that and i still have an eating disorder ... and an extreme thyroid condition that i take a lot of medicine to stay alive ... so the bottom line is there is no easy solutions ... i fought my way through so much adversity that ir made me strong as fuck and twice as smart .... i must have done something right along the way ..; and all i want form you all is to be happy ./. find yer inner peace ... and try to resolve all of yer difference with your friends and enemies ... those who want to cling on to what ever delusions they have while the truth is that they wer e the ones being shitty are just garbage and you are way better off with these use less pices of shit in your life ... i can't turn feces into go-ld but i sure as fuck can change ny future for the better ... we all can co-exist even if we do not get along .. the goth scene is filled with warring and big egos and aqs with all egos they are rooted in insecurities ... i raise a drink to ending all of these boring squabbles which seem to suck up so much energy and many mutual friends into it ... and creates nothing good or positive in the aftermath of the battle ...only blood as the Vantablack party ended in violence and a broken rib for jennifer and a free pass for the asshole who decided he needed to antagonize me and to disrespect the host like that ... ii said i do not want to fight but he kept taunting me until i said i ain't afraid of you ... so he gets up off the ground where he repeatedly was giving me the finger ...and starts swinging wildly at me ... i was put in a bear hug by Roland the host who was a quality human being and i liked him so i did not retaliate and he said Roxy remember the positive that i was all about despite the adversity of that day ... the fact that this kind of behavior was accepted by this low life piece of shit is unbelievable to me t is hard to take any of this seriously because if somebody does not find that offensive ... i don't know what is ... to turn a blind eyer to that reveals hypocrisy that hurts ... i have let it go once again ... if somebody started shit with any of you i would have yer back ... who has mine ... if you can let THAT go you can let go what ever grievances you have ... saying Becky is offering forgiveness comes from me as i urged her to let it go ... but did she listen ? and now it is all blown ot of proportions with probably lies on both sides ... is it worth it? IS THERE SOME VICTORY WORTH HAVING ? see by perpetuating the negative vibrations you can see the damage on both sides ... there is nothing that happened that can be fixed ... you just have to want resolution which you can have immediately in yer mind ... no fear no anger no bullshit ... just be at peace with who ever hurt you and let go of the revenge because it is ugly and evil ad you are letting somebody take you down the path of destruction ... if they are an asshole they already in their own hell .. that is punishment enough... secondly swallow yer ptride and reach out to who ever it is tbat you are fighting with ... if they are not receptive so be it ... don'/t worry be happy ... they can not harm you if you are as a good of a person as you say you are ... if you have done nothing wrong .... there is nothing to fear items that not expensive to wear for the maid of the brides